Sober Dating

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A Brief Explanation of the Term Sober Dating

Recently, people are beginning to question their relationship with liquor and how it affects them. Sober dating has become more common and now part of the larger trend of individuals cutting back on alcohol or entirely abstaining from it. The introduction of temperance cocktails, the rise of sober bars have provided people with better alternatives.

Dating/social life and alcohol seem intertwined, especially for those looking for a partner. A drinker believes alcohol makes people feel more exciting, and when this social lubricant is taken out of the equation, dating for them can seem boring, frustrating, and confusing.

In this article, we will discuss what sober dating is all about and how to strive while dating in sobriety. It will also give tips to those dating a recovered addict and those dating a recovering alcoholic to help their partners maintain their sobriety.

What Makes Sober Dating So Great?

Alcohol is the chief social lubricant. After a few drinks:

  • The conversation becomes a lot easier
  • It dissolves all pesky anxieties people have when they are sober
  • Your date suddenly becomes funnier, hotter, and easier to relate with

In general, alcohol makes dating a more comfortable one.

But why has sober dating become so popular? What makes sober dating so great?

  • Both parties can get to know each other for who they are and share similar interests and life aspirations.
  • Judgment is not clouded by liquor, so people are less likely to waste time on the wrong individual.
  • The chemistry between people dating in sobriety is 100% authentic.
  • Sober dating gives a chance to be more innovative with date activities and locations instead of going to a bar by default.
  • Learning how to date without alcohol helps to build one’s confidence with time.
  • Recovering alcoholics can learn that confidence doesn’t come from drinking alcohol, although the process of accepting that can feel very emasculating.
  • Several surveys claim that people in a relationship tend to drink more than single people. Excessive drinking results in spending time with people you wouldn’t have found appealing if you were sober.
  • Sober dating generally helps one immediately find out if there’s a real connection.

Is Online Sober Dating Easier Than the Traditional Method?

  • One reason for sober singles should opt to join a sober dating website is to maintain safe local meetings and home groups. It is never advisable to start dating other sober singles attending in the same homegroup as you. It will become very inconveniencing to come to meetings where your ex also attends meetings. Joining and using the services of sober dating sites will help to keep one’s sobriety. You don’t want to go out with someone in your backyard; the next town is just perfect.
  • Kindly note that 12 Step Programs are spiritually-based and participants welcome new members and greet visitors as if they were family, and they are always eager to assist each other.

Do Sober Dating Sites Work Differently From General Dating Sites?

Sober dating sites work like general dating sites. The difference between them is that sober dating sites are focused on connecting sober singles.

  • Like the general dating sites, one has to register before they can start using the features of sober dating platforms
  • Some sober sites use the swiping features like Tinder; you will show matches that you can swipe right if interested, or swipe left to move on.
  • While there are sites that are 100% free, others offer a premium membership for extra functionalities.
  • The standard members can search members using the basic search feature while the advanced search filter is available for premium members.

Is There a Sober Dating App?

There are two kinds of dating sites that may appeal to people in sobriety:

General Dating Sites

These dating sites may not directly target sober singles, but members can still many sober people, thanks to the large user base. With the help of advanced search filters, one can find a lot of sober singles.

Sober Dating Sites​

These sites are made specifically for people looking for sober dates. The number of users may vary, but a majority of them are living in sobriety. Further, it is also common for these sites to collaborate with other sober websites, thus increasing their members’ exposure. So whether you are in sober recovery or curious, these dating sites can find you romance.

Loosid

As one of the most popular sober dating sites, Loosid has a tremendous reputation for connecting members in the sober community. Because people have different reasons for joining sober dating platforms, the app lets members share the reason for joining the platform, whether to stay healthy or because they are in recovery.

Clean and Sober Love

Much like Tinder, Clean and Sober Love (CASL) shows members images of potential matches with other personal details they want to share. Users can swipe right to start a chat or swipe left to move on. What differentiates it from Tinder is that this place is designed for only sober individuals, so there’s no need to ask.

Sober Grid

Sober Grid is useful for people struggling with dating while sober. Besides connecting people with sober members in the same region, it also has a sobriety calculator for keeping track of how long a member has been sober. This calculator can be a great motivational tool, especially for those in recovery. There is also a feature that alerts other sober members for assistance. One can even request for a ride from the sober recovery center.

I Am Sober

I Am Sober’s objective is to connect an extensive network of people striving for the same goal – living in sobriety one day at a time. The site offers motivational and inspirational tools to help members to remain sober. Also, members dating a recovered addict or those dating a recovering alcoholic can learn to support their partners as they embark on this journey. People can consult others for advice, create daily challenges, track your days, build new habits, and calculate how much already saved from not drinking.

Meet Mindful

MeetMindful isn’t just focused mainly on people abstaining from alcohol; it is designed for individuals who want to keep a healthy lifestyle. Here, people can match based on their interests. So the site is perfect for people looking for members dedicated to overall wellness.

Hinge

Hinge wasn’t designed exclusively for the sober community. But users can note the members who don’t mind dating someone who drinks and by how much. This approach offers an excellent option for someone who gives sober dating a try, but can still grab a bottle of wine from time to time. Because Hinge has been in existence for long, there’s a larger pool of users to choose from than newer apps.

Are There Free Sober Dating Sites?

A Dating Service

AA Dating Service aims to help members stay sober while searching for love. One of the ways the platform does this is by providing a welcoming and understanding environment. This dating website is entirely free for its members; whether you are browsing through profiles, sending virtual flirts, uploading images, you won’t be charged.

12 Step Match

One of the most popular sober dating sites, “12 Step Match”, was created in 2009 and let singles search for members based on a recovery program (e.g., NA, GA, or AA,) including gender, age, location, and pictures. New users receive a lot of attention because they are placed on the New Members page for all to see. Furthermore, the platform offers numerous links and ebooks to help people as they use the site.

SoberSinglesDate

SoberSinglesDate was designed just for individuals living in sobriety. It also offers people the opportunity to specify what they are seeking:

  • Relationship
  • Friendship
  • Fun
  • Someone to go hiking with

For those who want to get personal and more up close, SoberSinglesDate has a text and video chat feature for communication.

These platforms catered to everybody, including recovering alcoholics and recovered addicts.

How to Choose the Perfect Sober Dating Site?

Here are some tips to keep in mind before choosing a sober dating site:

  • Members can go with a niche site instead of joining a general sober dating site
  • Check out the reviews of online dating websites
  • Research the demographics of every dating platform
  • Try multiple dating services and sites to find your favorite
  • Decide whether or not you want to become a premium member
  • Beware of online dating fraud

How to Identify a Good Sober Dating App?

Conventionally, people meet at a restaurant, especially on the first dates. A majority of the time, people don’t even think about it. How does an individual maintain sobriety while dating? Is it possible? The fact is that it is possible but tricky to pull out.

Below are some tips for someone trying to date without the need of alcohol:

Be honest and upfront

It is always vital to understand what dating someone entails. It is never easy to let someone know you do not drink any longer. However, doing so will lay the relationship’s groundwork. Usually, most potential partners cease to be interested when you open up to them about your sobriety. If that is the situation, they weren’t the right person for you in the first place.

As hard as it seems, being honest about your personality is the best choice to make.

Establish clear boundaries

When both individuals are okay with either of the partners being sober, the next step is to have a thorough discussion. For a relationship with a recovering alcoholic, the discussion may include going to length about the decision to stop taking alcohol and what becoming sober means to the person involved. Individuals should recognize that their partner’s recovery is a significant priority in their life, and they would have to give a helping hand to their partners as they strive to hit their target.

Cut them some slack sometimes

Compromise is very vital in so many ways. You don’t want to restrict what your partner does. If you are dating an alcoholic, never let your decisions impact their healthy relationship with liquor. Let them go out to spend time with friends. You can offer to give your partner a ride home to clarify that you are okay with their drinking habit. If you are having a relationship with a recovering alcoholic, help them as they try to reach their goal of becoming sober.

This approach is right, especially for individuals in recovery. Acknowledge that people can have a positive relationship with alcohol.

Always communicate

This tip can never be overemphasized. When your partner’s drinking habit starts worrying you one way or the other, you want to let them know. Whether they have been drinking or sometimes get too drunk, you might want to tell them. Most people don’t realize there’s a problem unless someone tells them. If something about your partner’s drinking begins to bother you, you have to let them know. Most of the time, they are willing to pay attention and help you find out how they can assist you.

However, if they don’t care about the impact of their drinking habit on you, maybe it is high time you rethink your relationship.

Individuals should always respect their partner, especially if they have always been honest and open about their sober recovery.

The fact is dating an alcoholic is not easy, and including a recovery in the equation might complicate the situation. How people react to one’s recovery makes more statements about their personality. Provided you think about how to manage dating in sobriety and have plans to open up to potential partners, you are putting your sober recovery first.

Few Tips For Individuals Exploring Sobriety

The usual first date practice for most individuals is to go out and get a drink. If you are pursuing sobriety, it may feel a little uncomfortable. Luckily, some people know that if anyone doesn’t drink, it’s not a big deal. Ensure to notify your date in advance that you’d rather participate in an activity that is not alcohol-based.

Below are three dating tips for those exploring sobriety.

Don’t Be Shy to Discuss Your Sobriety

Sobriety can be engulfed with guilt in our culture. This situation is because it is closely associated with alcoholism, a problem that has been stigmatized for years. Many folks understand better today that alcohol is nothing to be embarrassed about. Celebrate your sober curiosity. Tell your partner about your choice to start exploring sobriety and how your life has been affected by it. This move would interest someone in hearing about this significant aspect of your experience.

Date Individuals Who Are Also Curious About Sobriety

It is always a great idea to date people with similar interests. Currently, your choice to become sober is an integral part of your life. It most likely taps into your principles regarding health, well-being, and fighting against societal pressures. Listening to people share their stories about their decision to become sober will allow you to examine your relationship with drinking and encourage you to maintain sobriety.

Look Beyond the Bar

It is usually fast and easy to meet at a bar for a drink. Being curious about your sobriety suggests you have to look for a better meeting point for a first date. There are many good options for a sober date.

Outdoor events are advisable —without the tension of sitting opposite each other across the table. You get to have fun and learn a few things about the individual you are with. These outdoor activities lead to great conversations, whether it’s a casual stroll, kayaking, or skiing.

Sober curiosity is a chance for one to experience their personality and get to know themselves better. Sobriety will serve you well as you continue to date and search for a partner for long-term commitment. The more you understand your personality and find your true self, the easier it will be to connect with your partner.

Final Thoughts on Sober Dating Review

Not very long ago, individuals felt it was an all-or-nothing decision to choose whether or not to drink. There were two groups: the drinkers and those who abstained because their alcohol addiction has become unhealthy.

The good thing about sober curiosity is one’s ability to define it the way it works for them.

The focus is accepting your curiosity. This nature entails questioning the society’s behavior towards alcohol, personal beliefs, and how one’s life is impacted by alcohol.

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Cris
Cris
Cris
MS, RD & Writer
Cris is a certified Relationship Coach who has been working in this field for a significant number of years. She uses her adventurous and easy-going nature to come up with quick solutions for common problems. Cris's previous work experience as a volunteer assistant coach and camp counselor allows her to offer genuine, appropriate, and sensible support to her clients. Her specialty is managing anxiety and breakups.
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